So I survived my thyroid biopsy today. During the procedure, as the doctor punctured my neck with a needle three times, I found a spot on the ceiling and focused on it. I tried to think of something to take my mind off the needle and my neck, but all I could think of were the vampires from the Twilight series.
My discharge papers indicated the following instructions. I added my own interpretations:
1. Rest quietly for the remainder of the day
Translation: I must take a very loooong nap.
2. DO NOT operate appliances.
Translation: I must not do any cooking, laundry, or vacuuming the floors. I must order take-out.
3. DO NOT make any legal decisions today.
Translation: I should not respond when someone yells "MOM! They pushed me!"
4. You may resume your normal diet after the procedure.
Translation: I must drink milkshakes all day long. No fruits or vegetables allowed.
Maybe biopsies aren't so bad after all.
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